I skipped work to stalk him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
