this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
