i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.