No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.