is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.