True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri