you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
