Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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