I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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