Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
