FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
