Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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