Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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