i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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