just come out here and I will go home with you...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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