Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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