yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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