Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
