i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
