I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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