It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize