Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
