I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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