i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize