I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
