O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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