And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.