Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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