What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize