I feel like abortions should bother me more
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize