put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
