Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"