I hate all girls vehemently.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pappa wants mamma naked
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.