i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
