Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
