I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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