i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
