Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
