one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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