I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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