from now on my penis is your penis
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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