She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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