My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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