I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I faked an abortion last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize