Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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