yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
