I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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