you win again, gameday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.