You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.