I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested