I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap