do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
