As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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