Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize