I heard we made out
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
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There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.