a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!