The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means