And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!