i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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